The Simple Power of Acceptance

The rabbit holes I can go down are infinite and, now that I have children, they've multiplied. If I'm not careful, I can get caught in a spiral of what-ifs. Those what-ifs can be "what if this DOESN'T work out", or "what if I did THIS, would that be better"? Both can have such negative effects on my anxiety and fruitless desire to be perfect. Unfortunately, this does not translate into productivity. More often than not, it translates into hopelessness and an inability to do the basic things I already know I need to do. I freeze.

So I want to give you some food for thought and, perhaps, you might find it helps you as it has helped me. It's the simple power of acceptance.

I've heard people talk about this before and shrugged it off. How could accepting something be the answer? Of course I accept it! It IS. Until I realized that the anxiety I sometimes live in is exactly the opposite. In my efforts to be a better version of myself, I live in possibilities. I could do this and get this outcome. I could do that and get that outcome. In every scenario in my mind, I'm a better person, a better wife, a better mother, a better friend. I'm kinder and thinner and more productive and prettier and my life is pretty flawless. This, however, is not reality. Life just doesn't work like that. It's never perfect, and it's not meant to be. To me, life is about learning and experiencing, and so much learning comes through opposition. But that doesn't mean we have to live in misery, either.

One day, for some unknown reason, the idea of acceptance just clicked for me. I don't remember what I was doing or why it finally clicked, but I do remember the immediate burden it relieved. What if, when I'm stuck in traffic, instead of being angry I'm not further along or moving faster, I accept where I am and that I can't control the flow of traffic? What if, when my child is having a meltdown, I accept that he is having a difficult time and I cannot now control what got us here? What if, instead of wishing my body looked different, I accept that this is the body I have and try to love and nurture it as it is?

This has transitioned into what I feel is a really healthy place of thinking. When I'm stuck in traffic, I accept that I might be late, do what I can to make amends or plans for that, and take what comes. I put on some music or a book or podcast, or call a loved one and try to enjoy my time. When my child is having a meltdown, I focus on my own emotions- I regulate myself and then help my child do the same. I learn to make adjustments to schedules and find what works and does not. And when I start thinking negative thoughts about my body, I try to remember that this body has faithfully carried me through decades of life, and that it gave me my two babies. I try hard to honor it, by giving it a good long stretch, some exercise, sunshine, water, and delicious, (mostly) nutrient-dense food.

I haven't mastered this. I still go down rabbit holes and spiral into the depths of anxiety sometimes. But when I can remind myself to be present and accept whatever the situation is, I find I feel empowered and able to deal with whatever comes. Instead of freezing, I can be productive and do the simple things that are within my power.

I hope you find what works for you. Keep it up, friend, you can do this.